Breaking: Developer Planning “Bleeding Edge”, “Foolproof” Strategy To Fund Overhead and Pipeline Using Proceeds From Project Sales

DENVER, CO. Local developer, Todd Collins, of upstart new developer See Change Renewables, LLC stepped outside of local headquarters today to speak with a group of reporters gathered to hear about the company’s novel capitalization strategy.

“Calm down, calm down, everyone,” Collins said, as a hush came over the gaggle of giddy reporters. “So, let me explain it to you. We need a LOT of money, obviously. Mostly for i) our out-of-control headcount growth, which I’ve set to the pace of a breakout tech company selling widgets, and ii) our 19.36 GW pipeline of voicemails left on phones we think might be landowners’ who have land somewhere west of the Mississippi. Nothing new there, you say? Right. But here’s the rub [Collins leans forward, furtively glancing over both shoulders as though to protect against corporate espionage]: instead of raising corporate equity and diluting ourselves - like total jackasses - we are going to fund 100% of that capital need with proceeds arising from a portfolio sale to a new Blackrock portco - for which we just signed a 2-page LOI. Bam.” [Collins then intentionally dropped what appeared to be a prop-microphone he’d apparently brought with him to the press gathering].

Collins’ proud grin was met with silence, as members of the media waited for the fearless visionary to come to the “twist”, which, to their genuine surprise, never arrived.

Asked by a reporter from New Project Media if See Change had contingency plans should the sweeping, complex transaction - for which zero due diligence had been performed - fail to materialize, Collins - now without prop microphone - answered, “I don’t understand the question. The LOI is signed; did I not say that?”

A Financial Times reporter asked how the anticipated proceeds from the planned sale compared to the company’s capital needs. Collins: “Well we need a little under half a billion for the pipeline, but most of that is LC’s, or whatever, so we’ll just have the buyer post those for us - no biggie - and then we need maybe a hunge for other devex, and a couple hunge for team growth. So, what is that? Three hunge?” Collins went on to describe the proposed sale as being worth “half a yard”.

Members of the gathered press looked to each other for any sign of comprehension, but the clearly-parroted-from-a-recent-conversation-with-a-shitbag-banker vernacular was lost on all attendees. The press pushed ahead.

Asked by a Canary Media reporter if the full purchase price was paid at close, Collins explained “Well, no, it’s like 5% at close, 45% NTP, 50% COD, but to date we’ve had zero attrition across our portfolio, so all those payments are secure.”

Questions arose about See Change’s track record to date - how many MW had been placed in service, how many project sales had closed to date, etc. Collins waived them off by explaining the principals’ prior track records (at very large developers and IPPs that bear no comparison to See Change) supports their assumptions. “Our proprietary development process, which uses proprietary algorithms that perfectly capture our combined 1056 years of development experience, guaranties zero project failure. We also use a SaaS product that ‘routinizes and streamlines’ development and asset management, so….”, added the ingenious thought-leader, trailing off.

A PV Magazine reporter asked Collins if he was at all concerned about the timing of inflows lining up with liquidity needs, to which Collins simply replied “No. Next Question.”

Hearing none, Collins offered some closing thoughts: “What we’re doing has never been attempted before. At least I don’t think it has. I’ve never really looked into it, but surely if this business strategy had been tried before it would be pervasive at this point. This is simply an amazing way to build a company in a mature, realistic manner that offers our fast growing team job security in a low stress environment. And guys, come on, when was the last time you ever heard anyone regret obsessing over dilution at the expense of other priorities, like building value?”

Update (9/6): A few hours after this article was originally published, the proposed portfolio sale transaction had fallen through, and Collins was seen frantically calling every capital provider in America asking them to “post [his] LCs for [him],” to which no party knew how to respond, because, as one anonymous IPP told The Sunion “those words, placed together in that order, don’t actually mean anything. And also no one does the thing I think he’s trying to ask for anyway.”