EPC Firm’s PR Machine Inexplicably Declares Recently Completed Array “The Jordan Catalano of Solar Projects” (Full Details)
ROCKFORD, IL. The solar sector ground to a halt today as the entire workforce found themselves unable to think about anything other than trying to decipher why Signal Energy declared a seemingly unexceptional 2 MW system “The Jordan Catalano of Solar Projects".
Signal is, apparently, referencing the enigmatic heartthrob from the mid-90’s flash-in-pan teen drama My So-Called Life. The show aired for one season in the fall of 1994. Besides launching the career of Jared Leto - who played Catalano - the show carries limited artistic or social relevance and, until today, had not been considered an especially durable cultural reference. With Signal’s “Grand Prairie Solar” project press release, all that has changed.
Kirk Kieffer of Pure Power captured the general sentiment of confusion brought upon by the vague and unexpected reference: “I just don’t…underst….wait do you think they’re referencing a design feature reminiscent of Catalano’s ever-present black choker?” Kieffer squinted desperately, leaning in to more closely to examine the layout. “No….no. That can’t be it. Wait…was this project somehow constantly just-barely-out-of-reach, yet paradoxically emotionally available at precisely the right moments?” Added Kieffer, to no one in particular. “Hello? Does anyone know why?…what this means?”
Catalano captured the hearts of many adolescents during the show’s brief run, as his relationship with Angela, the show’s main character and narrator (played by Claire Danes) slowly blossomed over the course of a dozen episodes.
“At first I thought maybe there was something about the angle of that northwestern string vaguely resembling Catalano’s delicate, somehow-masculine-and-feminine-at-the-same-time jawline, but that feels a bit outlandish. The angle is obviously all wrong for that,” speculated Jesse Tippett of Adapture. “It must have something to do with the project being, well….complicated.”
Some in the industry hinted at more esoteric interpretations. “Jordan was a Rorschach of sorts,” offered Imraan Mir of Alluvial Power. “He was a tender young man of few words, crafted by the crack team of writers at MTV to serve as ‘wet clay’ for teenagers of the 90’s. We could see in Jordan what we wanted to see. He could be what we needed him to be. When the Frozen Embryos changed their name to Residue after Tino quit the band…we could just as easily see Catalano as the victim or the villain. His dyslexia rendered him vulnerable and sympathetic, yet, if we needed to hate the guy, he gave us fodder for that too. Like when he hooked up with Rayanne just when it seemed like Angela and Jordan were gonna make it, or when he took credit for the love letter that he didn’t actually write. He was many things at the same time, just like all of us kids were back then.”
“Sorry, what was the question again?” Concluded Mir.
Asked to comment, Signal Energy’s PR team responded: “I was going nowhere. Going nowhere fast. Drowning in my memories. Living in the past. Everything looked black til I found her. She's all I need and that's what I said. I call her Red...She's my shelter from the storm. She's a place to rest my head. Late at night she keeps me safe and warm. I call her Red.”