Infocast Report: You Are The Last Remaining Person In The Entire Renewables Industry Who Has Not Embraced Green Crypto

SCOTTSDALE, ARIZONA – Multiple reporters for The Sunion on the scene at the Infocast Solar + Wind Finance conference last week, confirmed that you - the person reading this article - are the only remaining holdout in the entire energy sector who has not enthusiastically embraced the promise of green crypto.

Reports from multiple panels, meals, and corporate events confirmed that one of the hottest topics of discussion in Scottsdale was how you, yes you, had “completely missed the boat” on pairing crypto offtake with new clean energy projects.

“Back in 2017, a number of us were still figuring out this crypto offtake thing,” said an industry friend of yours, behind your back, “but can you imagine walking around Infocast in 2022, saying things like ‘I’m worried about the credit risk’ or ‘I don’t believe that crypto can singlehandedly solve all of the headwinds that my project faces.’  I’m just so embarrassed for [your name], how could you walk around saying such naïve, ridiculous things?”

Reports from across the conference agreed that all of the people who you most respect were enthusiastically signing and underwriting long-term crypto offtake agreements just out of your view, and shaking hands on partnerships to pair their solar, wind, and battery projects with enormous, zero-money-down, on-site data centers.

“It’s so obvious” said a former manager of yours, whose respect you spent years earning, only to piss away due to your doubts about crypto, “cryptocurrency is the most exciting financial product in a generation, crypto mining is a function of energy, we are generating energy…only a complete shit-for-brains like [you] could fail to make the connection.”  

Reports confirmed that nearly all of the people that you didn’t recognize at the conference, the ones with nicer shoes and better haircuts than you, were all representing crypto miners, traders, and financiers and were signing deals with all of your peers while you, an idiot, took an Uber X to a Hampton Inn to negotiate a 12-year as-generated PPA with a large suburban school district.

“You’re kidding me, a school district??  [Your name] could be just printing Ethereum at $2500+ and instead [he/she] wants to sign a sub-$30 PPA with a school district to provide clean energy to some kids?  Oh I’m sure [your name] says that it’s a ‘creditworthy’ offtake that will create ‘local support’ like it’s 2015.  Give me a break.”

Multiple sources, who used to think highly of you, reported that they specifically avoided inviting you to a large dinner so that they could gossip about you and your crypto-skepticism, which “would almost be funny, if it wasn’t so sad”.  At that dinner, a close friend of yours did what was reported to be a spot-on impression of your arguments against crypto. 

“I’m so worried about basis!  I’m so worried about curtailment risk!  I just don’t think that you should build a giant power plant in a place with major grid instability and no load!” said this close friend of yours, in a mocking voice, to peals of laughter from across the table.  “Plus shouldn’t we be focused on decarbonizing the power sector?  I care so much about the earth!  I love trees and I don’t think that mining bitcoins is good for the planet!  I’m going to go hug a tree and go back to the gold standard!”