"Lobbyist of The Year" Awarded Early (Full Details)
SACRAMENTO, CA. Following the California Public Utilities' Commission ("CPUC") announcement that it would not be approving anything resembling the community solar program outlined in passed legislation (AB 2316), choosing instead to side with the Investor Owned Utilities ("IOUs") the CPUC is meant to regulate, the National Institute for Lobbying & Ethics ("NILE") has decided to pre-emptively award Miller Strategies with the prestigious "Lobbyist of the Year" prize.
Amanda Brenner of NILE, explains: "Well we just decided to call it, seeing as how there's no way anyone could ever beat this. Their clients' (the IOUs of CA) interests stood in complete opposition to i) every single other stakeholder's interests, ii) logic, iii) progress, and iv) CPUC’s charter. Yet Miller Strategies convinced the CPUC to hand the utilities a priceless gift, even at the expense of rate payers' wallets, the health of the electrical grid, democratic institutions, and the climate."
The rest of the lobbying community seems supportive of NILE's choice to finalize the award with over half the year remaining. "Well, sure, ever since we saw the announcement last week the 'LOTY' winner was 100% known. Why wait until the end of the year? There's no point. Who the hell is going to beat this coup?" says Braxton Heath of Sherwood Partners. "We'll be writing books about this for years to come. The CPUC got played like a fiddle. This is what we lobbyists live for. Most of us go our whole career without even sniffing a result this absurdly awesome. Yeah....no issue at all with Miller getting the award. Very deserved."
The Sunion reached a disheveled and seemingly dazed CPUC representative , who commented "Huh? What happened? I blacked out. I remember a steak dinner. Actually, a few I think. There may have been a golf Pro-Am with a dynamite hospitality tent, too. Also, I vaguely recall a PPT slide declaring me a “Realist Savior”; I think it had a picture of me with a cape surrounded by swooning women. Then I remember being told to fear grid reliability. I think there was an image of an angry mob of people experiencing blackouts coming to my house to tar and feather my children. It's all pretty fuzzy," said an anonymous CPUC executive.
"In the end we did our job: protecting the interests of PGE, SCE, and SDGE," added the CPUC executive. Upon being informed that that is very much not the commission's charter, the gentleman hid behind a nearby couch and quietly admired his new Rolex.