Point vs. Counterpoint: “Don’t Move One Fucking Electron Or the World Will End Because Tax Equity Isn’t Closed!!!” VS. “THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! TURN IT ON!! WE CLOSED! YOU HAVE 7 MINUTES!
“Point”, By Manuel Corrego Diaz, 10:13 AM December 31st
Ok construction-guy-who-I’m-going-to-presume-an-idiot….I’m going to explain to you how solar works. Listen to me and listen very carefully: So there’s this thing called a “tax credit.” Are you writing this down? I’ll wait. Ok, so the government subsidizes our industry by offering tax credits to owners of renewable energy projects. We call these groups “tax investors.” Now, I don’t want to go into much detail here, because surely there’s no way you can understand a concept as intricate as tax investment. After all, you merely have a masters degree in engineering whereas me and the other folks in project finance paid full price to go to liberal arts colleges where we read Proust and shit. Let’s face it, this is beyond your intellectual capacities. So, instead I wanted to call you to condescendingly berate you into a state of paralysis vis-a-vis actually turning on this solar project you’ve been working on for 9 months and have been ready to switch on since December 8th (the date I originally told you my team would have closed the tax equity).
What was that? The guy from the utility is standing right next to you saying that he has 8 other systems to coordinate PIS for before the end of the day, and if you don’t turn the system on right now, he’s leaving and it’s not getting turned on until next year? Chain that communist bastard to the shed. There’s no way you let that asshole leave. He stays there until we get what we want, because our shit is more important than everyone else’s. At least my shit is.
Bottom line: if you fuck this up and turn on this system - either inadvertently or intentionally - before tax equity is in, the world will basically end. Or at least that’s true to the extent you equate my career track facing a minor impediment to the apocalypse being upon us. So just sit there and don’t fucking do anything except keep the utility technician alive with water and crackers. Other than that, you being anywhere near the general proximity of those inverters, with a pulse, reads as a liability to me. Please don’t fuck this up for me. Er…Us…I meant “Us”. You turn that fucker on when - and only when - I tell you you can. Oh….and also cancel your New Year’s Eve plans.
“Counterpoint”, By Manuel Corrego Diaz, 11:59 PM December 31st
[PARTY SOUNDS IN BACKGROUND]
TURN IT ON!!!! HEY! WAKE UP! WE CLOSED THE TAX EQUITY DEAL! YOU HAVE APPROXIMATELY 7 SECONDS TO TURN ON THE SYSTEM OR THE TAX INVESTOR WON’T GET THE TAX CREDIT IN THIS TAX YEAR, AND IF THAT HAPPENS WE WILL ALL PRETTY MUCH DIE. FUCKING GO! WHY ARE YOU STILL HOLDING THE PHONE?!?!?!?! GO TURN THE KNOB, FLIP THE SWITCH, FULL THE LEVER, INVERT THE TRANSFORMER, COMMISSION THE COMBINER BOXES….OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS YOU PEOPLE DO OUT THERE. JESUS CHRIST MOVE FASTER, DON’T FUCK THIS UP FOR ME. US. WHATEVER.
Its on? Nice. Dude, you’re so good at what you do. What was your name again? Tom. Tom…I really appreciate you. Ok, well, I’m going to head back into this party. Happy new year!